....

So not sure what to title this. I just dont think there are the right words to sum it up. Yesterday, for the first time in my life, I found out what true, unfiltered fear feels like. Can I just say i never want to feel that again, but sadly i don't think it will be the last time this unnamed person will cause that feeling. It makes it worse knowing that all you can do is watch the way it all unfolds, hold you breath, feel the pain it causes, and do nothing........ What can you do to help and change the situation when they don't want help? What can you do when your eyes are dry and you're blue in the face? The answer- NOTHING. and that makes it worse. When all you can do is watch it go on and on like a record that's stuck and keeps replaying itself, and hope that you never get a phone call saying its all over.........it hurts. Sorry i know this is melancholy, and i'm ok. I have a wonderful life and many things to cherish. I am happy with how my life is going, but i just wish it would spill over into his choices. So what do i do? Is there really anything you can do? A brick wall won't move just because you push it and tell it to go. Am I a bad person because i do nothing? I wish I had the answers or the solution. People don't change because they are told to. They change because they want to. What can I do if they don't think they need to change.

nothing...........